The concequences of Snape's love
by edgy wedgy
Summary: Snape's object of affection is somewhat different to him. Hm... wonder what it is...


The consequences of Snape's love  
  
Snape was worried. He'd just killed a student. He killed that student because he was angry at him. Snape was angry at Malcolm because he'd given Snape a rose. He gave Snape that rose because he loved Snape. Why he loved Snape is anyone's guess.  
  
So here was Snape trying to hide from anyone who looked remotely familiar in an empty area of London. He was busy trying to think of what he could do that might help his situation when he walked into a telegraph pole. He was walking really fast so the collision was relatively large.  
  
He fell to the ground cursing and swearing. He felt so mad he decided to kill the pole. Perhaps it was his anger driving him insane or maybe it was the bump on his head, but when he looked up at the pole, he felt deliriously happy.  
  
To him, this pole was like a soul mate. He immediately knelt down on one knee and proposed. The pole slowly opened its mouth and said "yes." Snape was hysterical. He went to give the pole a hug.  
  
Onlookers who gathered nearby were rather shocked at the scene of a man talking to an inanimate object before rushing up to embrace it. Some were screaming, thinking Snape was mental, therefore very dangerous, others were rolling on the ground laughing, but most of the crowd looked intensely disgusted. They could nothing but stare.  
  
Then however, Snape started kissing the pole. The screamers screamed louder, the laughers laughed harder, and the disgusted muggles left to find help.  
  
The police came. They parted him from the pole and fined him £300 for obscene public behaviour. This did not deject Snape. As soon it was dark, when everyone had gone home, he went back to kiss the pole again.  
  
The next day, the people had no electricity. Why? Snape had set up a tent next to the pole and disconnected the wires on the pole so it could lie down and "sleep" with Snape.  
  
The muggles were really upset about this. They decided on a plan to get back their electricity. That night, when Snape was asleep with "Poley", they went into his tent and tied him up. Then they chucked him into the local swamp and set the telegraph pole back up. They had electricity again!  
  
When Snape woke up, his nostrils were full of thick mud like liquid and Poley was not by his side. He got up to investigate. He walked back to that not so populated part of London and Poley was right where Snape had first seen it. He cried with joy. That is, until he saw Draco Malfoy.  
  
Draco Malfoy had seen how much effort it took the muggles to pick the pole up and reconnect the wires so he wanted to increase their suffering even more by knocking the pole down again. Only problem was, he was far too weak to be able to push over the pole. This forced him into using magic and for whatever reason, in the kneeling position.  
  
From Snape's view, it looked like Draco was proposing to Poley. He was so furious at Draco. He wanted to break all his limbs. So he charged at Draco.  
  
Draco saw Snape advance on him, and remembering what he did to Malcolm, instantly got a heart attack and died. Realising what he'd done to his best student, Snape broke down sobbing. Eventually that sob turned into waterworks and eventually he fell asleep.  
  
***  
  
Snape woke up. He was back in his office. That whole dead Malcolm and pole incident was a dream. Hooray!  
  
"Why were you acting so obscenely, Severus?" It was Dumbledore.  
  
"Sir, I was a little tired so I thought I'd take a nap."  
  
"Severus, do you realise you've killed two students and gotten betrothed to a pole?"  
  
Oh boy, thought Snape, so much for dreams eh? I'll sure go to Azkaban for this.  
  
And he did. His life was unbelievably miserable at first. Two days later though, the dementors went insane. See, they were sucking out all his happy thoughts, and his only happy thoughts were the pole, but to fill up his brain, that incident was intensified by about 50 million times. The dementors having sucked in "pole" after "pole" after "pole", finally couldn't take it any more. So they all left Azkaban in search for something to marry: poles.  
  
Azkaban was now isolated, except for the whole tonne of prisoners. This gave the prisoners a chance to get out, which they took advantage of, and in no time at all, the world was full of evil wizards. But the evil wizards felt they were too much of a rival for one another so they all took each other on duels and soon only a few were left. They found life too boring so they locked them selves back in their cells in Azkaban, hoping the dementors would be back soon to torment them more.  
  
Meanwhile, the demetors were sucking what they thought were souls out of poles. In actual fact, the blue sparkly stuff was electricity and the dementors got so charged up, they evolved into electors and every politician wanted them. They never went back to Azkaban.  
  
Snape spent the rest of his days walloping in pain.  
  
The end. 


End file.
